It’s been an trend I often see particularly in young minds, but funny enough, also in grown adults.

I HATE my ex. 

Alright, I get it. No one likes getting dumped. No one likes having to be the “bad guy” and end things. No one likes to see someone they once loved change or to realize that they never were who they were once perceived to be. No one likes realizing that something that was once a beautiful love has turned to actual garage.

Losing love is typically not a mental challenge that is smoothly overcome.So it’s much easier to say to hell with it and entirely hate that persons being all together. It’s  much more effortless to not miss them when you’ve painted them to be the worst human being to ever exist in man kind; Yet you’re completely ignoring the fact that there was a time when, to you, this person was the best human being to ever exist in man kind.

It’s much more difficult to admit that your feelings about this person are intricate and can’t come down to a game of “describe in one word”.

Be honest with yourself about the situation.

Did they make it their priority to hurt you? Or did their actions have other initial motivations which in turn, hurt you? 

People (while I like to believe are inherently good) are also inherently selfish. It’s likely that if this person had made a mistake which caused the relationships end, that they were selfish or did not consider you in the equation of their actions. Typically people don’t just wake up thinking “I think I’m going to break the heart of the person I love today”. It’s not likely that the person you are upset with had malicious intentions – they were more likely just selfish, didn’t consider your feelings and in turn, hurt you.

What were your expectations of them which were never expressed yet mentally imposed upon them?

As most people do, you might eventually realize that maybe this person isn’t the human incarnation of Satan. Perhaps they’re just human. When you’ve mentally built someone up to be God’s gift to you and realize that they really are just a human being and are faulted, sometimes that’s a little frustrating. Many times the disappointment is self perpetuated. Be sure to consider if you have created a standard for this person which may have been unobtainable.

There’s no need to allow hate to reside in your heart for someone else. Take the time to evaluate your feelings for this person, and why each one exists. Understand that it’s okay to have someone be mentally within a gray area for yourself.

This piece does not pertain to those to have been in abusive relationships – emotionally or physically. If you feel you are currently in an abusive relationship, there are many sources out there ready to help you. 

The Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.

Women Helping Women: 1-800-799-SAFE ( 5610) 

Domestic Shelters

Domestic Abuse Intervention Services – helping a loved one